I didn't want them to worry so I hid my pain.

September 15, 2015

We were a military family. Which was hard enough on its own, but I have never felt pain like this. I have four children, three boys and one girl. I also have my angel baby in heaven. My husband and I were so happy when we found out I was pregnant again. We were both wanting another girl (after "the experience" of three boys!). We thought we were doing everything right. And after my 12 week checkpoint, I had nothing but high hopes. I knew she was a girl. I knew because when I was pregnant with my first daughter I never got sick with nausea or vomiting. I practically lived on the bathroom floor with all my boys! This pregnancy was beautiful from the beginning. So I knew I had another daughter coming. Our Angelina Marie. That all changed one night as we were just about to leave to go see some friends at a football game. I had to go to the bathroom first and saw blood in my panties. I showed my husband and we quickly dropped our kids off at a friend's house and rushed to the emergency room on post. I remember thinking, "Why are they making me sit out here in the waiting room?! I could be losing my baby!". Well we finally got called back and they did an ultrasound and we saw her sucking her thumb. The doctor told me I was having a threatened miscarriage. My sister had the same thing and gave birth to a beautiful girl.

 

So I was basically on bed rest. We had a two story house so my husband brought a matress downstairs so I wouldn't have to be going up and down too much. He would sleep on the couch so I wouldn't be alone. One night I told him to sleep upstairs in our bed so he could get a good rest. Well that was the night I woke up in so much pain. I didn't want to scream for him because I didn't want to scare my other children. I already knew what was happening. The pain was horrible and I couldn't walk so I crawled to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and cried for a long time. I cleaned up everything and went back to my matress. Still crying and in pain. I knew my husband would get up at 4:30 so I waited for him. I could barely get the words out to tell him. I couldn't even flush the toilet. My baby was in there. He did it for me and then we he held me till it was time to wake up the kids for school. I didn't want them to worry so I hid my pain. After we dropped them off, and my youngest at a friend's house, we went back to the hospital. When we got to the emergency room they told me to go to the women's clinic. I was sitting there in pain, crying, and surrounded by pregnant women. My doctor did an ultrasound and confirmed my miscarriage. She said that she was sorry and prescribed me pain pills. When she left I could not stop crying. I always thought that everything would be fine as long as you made it past 12 weeks. Stupid thinking I know. I was in my 14th week.

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