I'm still mourning the loss of our other child, and this one is not a replacement.

September 28, 2015

After trying for 3 years, we were pregnant. (We have one biological son) We went in for our 8 week ultrasound and all the ultrasound tech could see was "debris". I'll never forget that term. This was on February 27. After switching doctors and two rounds of the pill to pass the "debris" I ended up having to have a D&C. This was on April 22nd. What surprised me throughout this, and now over 6 months after is how people do not know how to respond to this. They're uncomfortable that you brought it up. They all know someone who got pregnant again right after. "God has a plan..." All the wrong things to say.

 

I felt ashamed for being honest about my feelings about my miscarriage. After physically healing we were preventing pregnancy because we were not emotionally healed. It didn't work. I found out I was pregnant again on June 25th. I fell to the ground and called my husband in a panic. I wasn't ready and was terrified. So was he. We barely talked about the pregnancy until after my first trimester. Again, people's reactions to this pregnancy were surprising. "Why aren't you acting excited?" "This must have been God's plan all along..." What has hurt the most is that people don't validate our feelings about everything. It's ok to be sad, angry, depressed, and have a crazy thought from time to time. (When I was told by someone, "At least you know you can get pregnant now!" I replied with, "And then my body kills the baby." It was not well received.) And being pregnant after a miscarriage is completely different. Don't expect me to act with the same enthusiasm as your friend who is also pregnant. I'm happy, but I'm terrified.

 

I'm still mourning the loss of our other child, and this one is not a replacement. I hope that more people will feel comfortably opening up about this, and therefore people will know how to support those going through it.

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