Everything was going great. Or so I thought.

October 11, 2015

I'd had 4 normal and healthy pregnancies. I got pregnant again shortly after the birth of my 4th baby. I carried that baby til 15 weeks and had a dream that I lost him. I got my doppler out to check his heartbeat and he was gone. I was devestated. This was on Easter morning in 2012. I waited to go to my dr on Monday for the confirmation. I was induced the next morning and gave birth to my son, Samual Carter Payne a little after lunch time. I grieved for a few months and decided I needed to try again. I thought that was the only way to heal my heart. So we began trying and got pregnant the first try. We were nervous but very excited about our second baby boy. I went to a specialist every 2 weeks and had ultrasound after ultrasound. Everything always looked beautiful. Then, at 16 weeks along, my little girl wanted to hear her baby bubbas heartbeat with the doppler. I didn't think anything of it, so I got it out and couldn't find the heartbeat once again. I thought just maybe my doppler needed new batteries, so bought some and decided I'd try it again that night. Still NOTHING!!! I told my husband I was worried and agreed we'd call first thing in the morning to my doctor. I went in that next day and it was confirmed again, my baby boy was gone. I was induced right then to have him. Tanner Joshua Payne was born later that day.

 

Since I'd lost 2 babies so far along, the doctors decided to do all genetic testing and clotting tests they could think of. Everything came back fine. I was so heartbroken that words can't even describe. After burying 2 of my babies and not having any answers, it just sucked. I lived life the best I could and months later, found out I was pregnant again. This time , with a little girl. I thought for sure everything was going to be fine, as I already had a little girl with my husband and she was perfect. We started the visits with my specialist right off the bat. He has a portable ultrasound machine that he let me take home for my own reassurance. I made it past 15 and 16 weeks. Everything was going great. Or so I thought. One Saturday, I decided to get out the ultrasound machine so my youngest could see how much the baby had grown. She really needed a nap, so I told her if she took one, we'd take a look at the baby. So after I got her to sleep, I decided to set the machine up so it'd be ready when she woke up. I, being excited to see my baby again, decided to go ahead and take a sneak peek at her. That's when I found that her beautiful little heart was not beating. I shook my stomach, rolled over and moved all different ways to get a better view. But her little heart just sat still. Her lifeless little body just laid there. I went hysterical. I called my husband home from work and told him the horrible news. We knew what was to come so we kept it to ourselves and waited until Monday to go in to the doctor. They immediately induced me and I gave birth to my sweet Mallory Elizabeth Payne around midnight. I honestly didn't cared if I lived or died. Dying would've made me feel better. At least I would have been with my angel babies.

 

I was in a state of depression for a little while but with the help of family, friends and some medication, I finally bounced back. I got on birth control and decided I couldn't take another loss and I wanted a hysterectomy. My doctor told me to wait a few months and we'd discuss it again. Lo and behold, the birth control failed and I now sit here, pregnant once again. My OB and Specialist both agreed that we needed to be more aggressive with this pregnancy. They put me on Lovenox, baby aspirin, vitamin D, Progesterone and my regular prenatal vitamins. My blood sugars begin to get elevated very early so I'm now also on insulin to control it. So far, with a lot of prayers, medications and ultrasounds, I've made it to 28 weeks and will be delivering my sweet babygirl the first week of December, at 37 weeks.

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