I just held her and cried and asked her, "What happened to you?"

October 11, 2015

We were planning a home birth. My prenatal care was with a midwife. Sadie always had a strong heartbeat and was very active. I didn't feel her moving much the day I went into labor or the day before. I didn't think much of it. I never thought anything could go wrong that far into a pregnancy. Nobody tells you those things can happen. I went into labor about 7 pm on 11/9 and figured I would just try to sleep as much as I could.


I called our midwife and told her I was having contractions so she was prepared. About 7 am the next morning I had my husband call our mw so she could come over. She was at another birth and needed to send over a different mw, one we hadn't met before so I was a little bummed about that. That mw got here a couple hours later and checked my dilation and then the heartbeat. She was not able to find the heartbeat and I still didn't realize what was happening. She said she thought we should get to the hospital and I started crying as my husband dressed me and tried to calm me down. I was mainly crying because I didn't want to go to the hospital, I wanted to have our baby at home. When we got to the hospital they couldn't find a heartbeat with the Doppler so the dr got the us machine and showed us that Sadie had no heartbeat. I didn't understand still what was happening. I was just in shock. How could that be?? I just kept repeating "I don't understand"... I was in labor for 28 hours, they finally broke my water because I was stuck at 6 cm for a while. Sadie came just after midnight on her due date 11/11. 6# 8oz and beautiful. I just held her and cried and asked her "What happened to you?" over and over.

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