I was a mess...

October 11, 2015

 In the fall of 2013 I had just graduated high school in the spring prior. I was in a long term Five year relationship, and had been off the pill for a while. I was always extremely irregular, and pretty much worried about being pregnant all the time. So I decided the Depo Shot would be much easier. I wouldn't have to worry about being late on a pill. It would be great!

 

So in October 2013 I got my Shot being 100% assured by my doctor that It would be effective in a week. So I went about things as usual. A few weeks passed a period never came, and was fully assured that was normal. I started to feel sick a lot, and people at work were just convinced I was pregnant. I was having dreams every night of a little girl. I had a resident in the nursing home tell me she saw a little baby in my tummy all the time.

 

A few more weeks passed and I started getting cravings and smells started to bother me. I gave up and took tests coming back negative. Sex became very painful for me, and I would bleed profusely afterward. The morning of December 19th 2013 I bled more than usual, and had the worst pain of my life. I figured it was my period catching up with me. I would be fine. I went to work as usual. I started having trouble walking after putting all my patients in bed.

 

I went to the bathroom feeling like I had to push something. A deflated sac fell out of me, and instantly I grabbed it and searched for a baby in it. I couldn't feel anything. So I kept looking at it in shock this wasn't happening to me. It couldn't I took a picture of it not wanting to take her out of the bathroom and show everyone. I flushed my baby in pure shock and denial. I stared at the picture for an hour. Sent it to my boyfriend and best friend. Everybody confirmed my worst fear. I looked closer and saw my baby in the picture in some fluid in the fleshy spot I kept wondering if was my baby when searching. I stayed at work because I only had about an hour left.

 

I went to the doctor immediately the next morning who tried to tell me it was impossible to get pregnant on birth control. I was just imagining things. I went home and took another test. What I saw was a faint positive but it was there. I was a mess. I had a mental break down, and here a year later am still having problems.

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