In my heart I knew she was gone.

October 11, 2015

Around supper hour on November,17th, 2014 I was sitting on a bench watching my son's swimming lesson. I was 35 weeks pregnant and all of a sudden I realized I hadn't felt my baby move since the night before.

 

When I got home I called the hospital they told me to drink apple juice and to see if the baby moved if not to go in to be checked. I was alone that night with my 4 year old son and decided not to bother anyone. In my heart I knew she was gone. But I willed it not to be true. My son slept in my bed that night. And finally I allowed myself to sleep I kissed him and told him I loved him and I rubbed my belly and told my baby girl good night and that I loved her.

 

This would be my last night to spend with my daughter in utero. The next morning I went to the case room where the nurse tryed to hook me up to a monitor to check my baby's heartbeat, when she couldn't find it, she went and got the resident doctor and a portable ultrasound. The resident doctor also told me she couldn't find a heartbeat but that she was going to get the obgyn to check.

 

I knew my worst nightmare was unfolding but I wanted so bad for this to not be true. After the obgyn told me my baby had passed. I was brought downstairs for an official ultrasound where an ultrasound tech and then a radiologist tried to find a heartbeat. There was no heartbeat. My sweet baby girl who I would name Nixie Anne had passed.

 

After being induced my baby girl was born at 11:17 pm on November,18,2014. She weighed 4lbs 12 oz. she was wrapped in her cord which is likely the cause of her death. After 4 hours with her I said my final good byes. And about 2 weeks later we had a small memorial service. I had her creamated and have some ashes in a locket I wear Arround my neck and the urn I keep on a shelf with her memory box and photos.

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