My husband and I tried to get pregnant for a little over a year before I sought help from a fertility clinic. I ended up having investigative laparoscopic surgery and when I woke up in the recovery room, my doctor told me that I had stage four endometriosis and it was highly unlikely that I'd ever conceive naturally. I remember those words hitting me like a ton of bricks. I was not at all prepared to hear news like that. I sat in the hospital bed sobbing for the longest time and wondering if I'd ever get to be a mom. The months following that diagnosis was the darkest time in my life. Infertility literally hung over me like a dark cloud. It was all I ever thought about and I was convinced that it was all anyone else thought about when they saw me. It consumed my every waking moment. I remember being obsessed with infertility message boards. I would skim through comments late at night and try to find some glimmer of hope in stories that were similar to mine. It was awful.
I ended up switching fertility clinics in 2012 and I got pregnant with my twins shortly after. The moment I found out I was pregnant was one of the happiest moments of my life. I loved being pregnant and I absolutely love being a mom. My twins have totally healed my heart. Not a single day goes by that I don't think about how lucky I am to have them.
Infertility isn't a dark cloud hanging over me anymore but it will definitely always be a part of who I am.