I was 3 months pregnant; my husband and I were both happy about the prospect of having another child (we have a daughter who was born in 2010). April 8, 2012 (Easter Sunday) I had a miscarriage. We had just announced the pregnancy and we had to tell family and friends that it just ended.
I tried to bury the pain. I tried not to think about it. I certainly didn't think people wanted me to talk about it. Then, I learned that so many other women I knew, including my mother andone of my sisters, had lost children due to miscarriage. The loss of hope, of a life, of a promise of a child summed up in one horrible word: miscarriage. I was depressed, but I didn't seek counseling. I wanted to hide from it. I wanted to bury it and never think about it again. I apologized to my husband for losing our baby.I wept every time someone told me it wasn't my fault. I thought it was. It took a long time for me to realize that I wasn't to blame, but I never wanted to hear "everything happens for a reason".
I wanted to grieve for our loss. The pain and nightmare of losing our baby was compounded by the fact that my husband was leaving for 6 months of training with his National Guard unit. We couldn't grieve together. That made it so much worse. Our son was born in March 2014 and I was diagnosed with post partum depression and post partum anxiety. I finally sought counseling.
I want women to know that it's okay to talk about the child they lost. I want them to know it's okay to grieve and that we grieve with them. I still mourn the child I lost.