Our grief was indescribable.

October 15, 2015

The story of Declan Eli is a, mostly, uneventful story. Harmony's pregnancy was as smooth as we could hope for. Outside some nausea and sleeplessness, there weren't any complications. All indications, from the ultrasounds and Doctor's appointments, were Declan would be a healthy baby boy. Heart tones were always strong, growth at a normal rate. Our Doctor told us our pregnancy was the least stressful she had.

 

Then came May 24th. Harmony had a scheduled appointment, with the Doctor, that afternoon. The night before, she had brought up the fact that Declan hadn't been kicking as he normally did in the evenings. We thought it was a normal, later in pregnancy type deal. Harmony mentioned Declan's lack of movement to a few others and they assured her the same thing. So, Harmony tried to choke back the worries and went to the Doctor, as scheduled. I was at work and didn't think too much of the appointment due to the fact that it was a pretty routine "check-up". So, when my phone started ringing, it was instant worry. Harmony was calling and when I heard the sound of her voice, my worry became panic. Justifiable panic...Declan's heart beat was no longer detectable.

 

Harmony was being sent to the hospital for more accurate testing. I don't even remember the drive to the hospital. How could this, possibly, be happening? Everything was going fine. No complications. Six and a half weeks from now, we were supposed to be welcoming Declan Eli in to our world and now... When I arrived at the hospital room Harmony had been assigned to, she had a nurse with her, using a portable fetal doppler to attempt to hear Declan's sound. Nothing. Then, the portable ultrasound. Nothing. He was gone. We had lost our baby boy.

 

So, now the unbearable next step. Labor to deliver Declan. 24 hours of induced labor because he was early and wasn't ready to be out of his safe place. We were still not sure as to why he had passed away. Until he was born, of course. A true knot was the reason. His umbilical cord was so long, as well as having two vessels instead of three, that his twisting and turning created a knot which took his lifeline away. A rare but, now realistic, issue we had never heard of. Our grief was indescribable. We could not begin to understand how quickly things came crashing down. Emotionally, physically, we were devastated.

 

And then, if there are such things, a true miracle. Declan's loss brought new people in to our lives, brought people back in to our lives who'd grown apart from us, and strengthened bonds that were already there. Declan has given us a motivation to continue to live our lives for each day and realize all things, in our world, that we are grateful for.

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