I do not grieve any more...

October 11, 2015

I have endometriosis, a Luteul phase defect, and a fairly severe bicornuate uterus (mullerian anomaly).  A dr once told me I would probably never carry a baby to term.  My husband new this when he married me, he wanted kids.  Well as soon as we got married I went off of the birth control I'd been using for 9 years for pain management.  3 months later I was pregnant.  We told EVERYONE.  I went to the doctor at 9 weeks and she was quiet during the ultrasound.  Baby didn't look 9 weeks.  She sent me for a blood draw and then a subsequent blood draw.  The numbers were not promising.  Two weeks and two ultrasounds and 3 more blood draws later, it was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage.  I had a d&c and a laparoscopy to remove some of the ever growing endometriosis.  I felt empty and sad and stupid for grieving someone I'd never met.  I felt broken.

It took me a year to conceive again.  I am one of the lucky ones though.  I went on to have four children including a set of twins.  So much for not being able to carry!  I do not grieve any more.  But I will always remember how that felt.

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