May 22, 2019

What you don’t know is that is still hurts.

Even after 4 years I can still feel the deafening silence in the room after those awful words were spoken into the universe. It was almost as if I was present but somehow detached from my body. The doctor was speaking and I was nodding but I couldn’t understand.

What you don’t know is after hearing those tragic words, we were led out of the back door of the doctor’s office—as if we w...

April 4, 2017

When first asked to write a guest post for Don’t Talk About the Baby, I was referred to as an activist, which took me by surprise. I had never thought of myself as a pregnancy loss activist before. But, I’ve been gnawing on that word and have come to the conclusion that I am one, indeed.

I’m an activist for the parents in this loss community. But my activism looks a little differently. I’m not out protesting or building awarene...

March 6, 2017

It’s likely you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage. It is also very possible that your friend hasn’t openly shared about her loss. Approximately 10-25% of clinically recognized pregnancies result in loss and yet there is a deafening silence surrounding this life-changing topic in our culture. The shame and stigma associated with pregnancy loss is pervasive—all too often resulting in isolation, anxiety, and despair....

I was 39 weeks pregnant to the day, just 16 hours shy of my scheduled c-section, when I gave birth to my daughter Reese Christine Duffy on November 2, 2014. We went to the hospital because I hadn't felt Reese kick in several hours.

Mother's intuition was screaming in me that something was horribly wrong. No heartbeat was found, but the doctor detected traces of brain activity. I was rushed in for an emergency c-section. Reese w...

August 17, 2016

Having a miscarriage can be an isolating and devastating experience for some people.

As a recurrent pregnancy loss specialist, I ask my patients about their emotional well-being in addition to their physical well-being. Patients with miscarriages are grieving their losses and describe the strain this can place on relationships with friends and family.

People can unintentionally be hurtful when trying to be supportive. Patients...

I sit on the hard bench in the warm sun watching two of our chosen children run the field in the 5 year old soccer game. Lane is running down the field with his arms pumping with a might I’ve never seen before. His little brother Evan trails behind the whole team seeming a bit lost as he is technically a year too young to be playing. Both of them smile the whole game shining pure joy everywhere.

I snap a few pictures with my ni...

June 13, 2016

Little Bobby rounds second base and darts towards third. This is his first season of kid pitch baseball and he just lined a shot over the first base bag. As the ball begins creeping towards the outfield fence Bobby rounds second while glancing up and to see the third base coach waving him home. The outfielder’s throw is on its way. Bobby approaches home while stealing a glance at the incoming throw.

It is going to be close.

He s...

May 17, 2016

After a while, you think you’re over it. First it doesn’t hurt to breathe anymore. Then, maybe, you stop blaming yourself for what happened. The due date passes. Your friends and family don’t give you those “I’m so sorry” looks anymore. Life marches on.

 

In many ways you have moved on. Maybe you’re trying again. Or maybe you’ve accepted that your family is perfect just the way it is. Maybe you feel a renewed sense of gratitude...

April 18, 2016

I was thrilled when I found out I was expecting my second child. I wanted nothing more than to give my daughter a sibling.

 

The moment I saw the positive sign I instantly bonded with the growing life inside of me.  I perused big sister books; I imagined how life would be with two children and joked about the trials and tribulations that awaited us. I was full of hope, excitement, and anticipation.

 

That hope and joy was shatter...

April 16, 2016

Today I am 36 weeks pregnant with Little Baby.

 

This is the point when most women excitedly think about their new baby coming home—and they stress over the imminent labor that is coming and plan for the upcoming months of blissful chaos.

 

I am doing many of these things; I feel electric with excitement, I am obsessed with this little lady—but I am also consumed with fear. 

 

We lost our first daughter, Willa, at 40 weeks; she was...

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