...as the number of miscarriages grew, the sympathy seemed to vanish,

October 11, 2015

I am a nurse who worked in the area of gynaecology for many years, looking after ladies who had miscarried or who were undergoing investigations/treatment for infertility. I never for one second thought that I too would be one of those women. I have suffered both infertility and then recurrent miscarriages (5 in total). I underwent many tests & treatment for infertility all to no avail, I had just been referred for IVF when a friend suggested acupuncture, I tried it out reluctantly and amazingly it worked. Sadly that is when the miscarriages started.

 

Physically healing after a miscarriage is quick, but emotionally it takes time. Especially when it is a much wanted baby conceived after several years of trying, we had even seen our precious babies heartbeats on early scans. The time needed off work due to needing to go into hospital for the D&C's also proved an issue with my employer saying my sickness absence was appalling (all absences were due to clinically proven miscarriages between 9 and 13 weeks gestation, but this didn't matter to them), this naturally added to my distress as I felt powerless to do anything about it. I also noticed that after my first and to a lesser extent my second miscarriage people were sympathetic, but as the number of miscarriages grew the sympathy seemed to vanish. It almost felt like people were questioning or suspicious, either thinking I was making it up or must've doing something wrong. Or maybe they thought I was getting used to it, truth is you never get used to it. All this only adds to the devastation already felt.

 

After many years I eventually found out I had Antiphospholipid Syndrome (Hughes syndrome) causing the losses and possibly the infertility too. I was put on blood thinners during pregnancy and now have 3 wonderful children. I have shared the story with the media and via the Hughes Syndrome Foundations website in the hope of helping others and raising awareness. At my worst point I was suicidal, on antidepressants and undergoing counselling, now my life is perfect (well to me anyway), but the thought of others going through the same heartbreak, frustration, confusion and difficulties breaks my heart.

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